Hi girls! I apologize it has been a while since I have posted anything. I was in Chicago visiting some friends, and am now back into the groove of connecting back with you all!
I have been thinking back on the incredible things the Lord has done over the summer, and just recently (and is doing) in the student ministry here at CBC, and in our lives individually. My thoughts and prayers are always that you do not forget the changes you each have chosen to take in your life in order to glorify the Lord more in your lives.
As you think back over New Camp, our service project days, the DC mission trip, and now Summit Lake, I would like for each of you to take a moment and remember what the Lord has taught you over the last few months. If you feel comfortable, let's share memories and life changes the Lord has led you to recently. I would love to hear and I know it would be encouraging for each of you to read from others how God is at work! Remember, all you have to do is click "comment" below. Can't wait to hear from you all! Don't leave me hanging! :)
XLM Student Ministry
The purpose:
- Illuminate Girl's Ministry
- This Blog has been created for the girls of CBC, and any other girls who feel compelled to read, respond, and soak in scripture and encouragement through the steps of following Jesus Christ!
A complete synopsis of my summer could be expressed by an "Aha moment." I don't think that people, especially in Northern Virginia, like to think of themselves as broken or mangled, but that's what we are. Without God, without hope, there's nothing in us that can be good. It's humbling and crushing to realize that all this time, all this effort that we've put forth is futile, but sometimes a person cannot grow until they've been crushed.
ReplyDeleteThe very first new camp that we went to as a church was unappealing to me because we had just moved away from a dead church and were desperately searching for a new church that could fill us spiritually. If you are attending a church where the preacher preaches from a book instead of the Bible and fully proclaims that it's not his duty to preach the gospel then there is a problem. So we had church-searched for weeks and finally came upon CBC. I was new to the idea of a youth group in general, and especially one that is so alive; however, at the time our ministry didn't seem alive, at least not to me. I didn't know anyone and the atmosphere was so unwelcoming that I didn't even want to come back. But sure enough, a year passed and I was excited to finally be part of a church group that actually wanted me to be there. I was excited to go to new camp with my friends and was excited because everyone seemed to have such great tales of how new camp changed their life. I came with great expectations, and they just weren't met. I thought it was okay, but I ultimately felt unmoved and unaffected. A terrible feeling it is to be the only dry eye in a church, but instead of examining what was really wrong I decided that there was something wrong with me and I began to worry. Intense worry gripped me, and I'm sure that the people sitting around me could tell. Instead of listening to the message, I began to just copy down Bible verses, pasasges, and books. I was teasingly asked if I was trying to write down the whole Bible and it occured to me that I was. I was trying to relate something that I need, the Bible, to something that I love, writing. It is my suggestion to anyone who is anxious and worried to copy down Ecclesiates. Copying the book helped, but before new camp I was broken and after it was just the same story. I couldn't figure out what was wrong, and the thing that bothered me the most was that I couldn't tell anyone. You have food, you have shelter, you're just a teenager: you're fine. In my opinion it is that philosophy that is causing 95% of every teenager's problems. If someone had just told me that it's okay to be hurting I could have healed that much sooner. Months passed and I gave up. I came to the conclusion that people always fail you and the only way to stay stable is to just not trust anyone and not fully let anyone in. It worked for a while, but that life is lonely at best.
Then came along summit lake. Idols. Who knew that all the problems in the world are caused by idols? I've never before thought that a person can be an idol, but I think that the most common thing that people idolize is another person. That realization, the realization that I'm not the only one and that it's not my burden to bear freed me. Thank you Jesus, I am free.
For a while now, I had felt somewhat depressed and ever so frustrated. I 'woke up' in a sense, and finally stood back and took a good look at my walk with Christ. What I found was emptiness, loneliness. There was nothing around me but darkness and silence. I had wandered completely off of God's path blindly. I was well aware that I needed to change. However, it was the idea of specifically what I needed to change that I had struggled with. Things weren't changing as fast I wanted them to and in my bitter impatience, I grew even further from God. I was at a point of complete frustration. I wanted an answer.
ReplyDeleteAs the fall retreat came and went, my expectations of feeling renewed were not fulfilled. Rather things merely worsened for me. On the outside I stayed the same. I lied to those around me, inhibiting them from seeing what was really going on. In reality, I was shattered to pieces on the inside. Isolating myself emotionally from others, I felt I didn't have any true friends. I desperately wanted someone to understand me and to genuinely be there for me. I saw everyone else and their happiness. How I longed to feel the sense of acceptance that seemed to come naturally for them. I didn't feel I had anyone that knew me very well that I could talk to about any of this so I bottled it up.
After the retreat, we went back to our normal way of things at church. People who had gone on the retreat told others about their great experiences. I was alone in the midst of great spiritual movement. How desperately I wish I could have felt that too. I wanted so badly to feel that sense of happiness with my walk that everyone else seemed to. But I felt as though I was behind a wall and God was on the other side of it, calling my name. So badly I wanted to be on the other side, back with Him. But in my efforts alone, I only found failure and disappointment. I begged God every night to help me get through this.
I am so happy that He has delivered me. I DO feel alive now. My eyes are opened. Every night now, I happily praise God for helping me. He has restored me back to my state of happiness. Looking back I realize that I should have never tried to go about fixing myself without Him. I have learned that I can't do anything to help my situation and that only He can save me. In this I am greatly relieved. Its comforting to know that my future isn't up to me, for if it were I'd be worried. And one of the most important things God has shown me is that I never have to feel lonely.